baby of the brood

 How did i get here?? That's what I was asking myself this morning in the waiting room before my radiation treatment. I was sitting across from Dan. He's probably in his late 60s. Thin with grey hair and an even greyer face. He has cancer all along the lymph nodes on the left side of his throat. And just four years ago, the first time, he had the same cancer on the other side of his throat. That side is sunken with caverns that were scooped out by the surgery. They found 13 cancerous lymph nodes from the first surgery and there's not enough neck left to operate on the side with the new cancer. Whenever he sits down across from me (I have the 10:40 and he's 10:50), he gives me a warm, yet thoroughly exhausted smile. sometimes we chat a little, but often he nods off. "I don't know why, but I get so tired when I come in here" he says. I think I can see why.
 Most of the men are considerably older than me. Early 60s and up: a lot of prostate cancer, another couple of guys with malignancies in their necks. One guy asked me, "what do you have?" "rectal cancer" I say. "oooh" he says turning away, clearly convinced that his prostate cancer is way less horrible than my rectal cancer. Maybe he's right. At the beginning of treatment, I just noticed the age disparity without any emotion. Lately, and I'm not proud of this, I started feeling like it's some kind of injustice being here at age 43, even though millions of people have gotten cancer when they were way younger than me. But the thing is, I've never BEEN somebody that believed there was any "justice" in who got diseases. So why start now.
 I'm feeling strong still. The side effects have been minimal.

chemo and radiation week 2

 Thus far the side effects have been almost non-existent. There has been a little irritation from the radiation but liberal application of a special radiation lotion has helped a lot.
 One very sweet silver lining so far (of many) is how I am now back in touch with so many friends that I had been out of touch with for awhile. It feels gratifying to be talking to someone who fears that I'm probably really down and depressed, and to share that I'm actually feeling strong and positive.
 I'd be remiss not to mention that my wonderful mom Deborah Bluestein (who beat breast cancer 30 years ago!) has come out from Boston to stay with Carrie and me for awhile and we're cooking up a storm together..well she's doing the majority of the cooking and I'm helping :) among many of the staples: miso soup, brown rice (done in a pressure cooker) with gomashio (mashed sesame seeds with sea salt), lots of steamed greens (kale, broccoli, baby bok choy) prepared simply with lemon and sea salt, lemon sesame miso tahini dressing for the veggies and salads (amazingly tasty for such a healthy low fat item), steel cut oats with berries (antioxidant gems) for breakfast, and many more..you get the picture. We'll definitely be expanding this palette as we move forward.
 Oh! and it looks like I'll very likely be doing some Foreigner gigs in August. Chemo and radiation ends July 12, and I figure I'll give myself a couple of weeks to recover (just in case I'm worn out from it). But I'm super psyched about the very good possibility of being out with the boys doin' some rockin!
 Thanks for tuning in and be back soon..

MB

Chemo and radiation day 1

 The fun starts today. I took my first batch of pills this morning and so far the only thing I’m noticing is that I’m drinking considerably more water than usual. Dehydration is a common side effect, so I’m slammin’ down H2O like a frat boy slams Budweiser at a kegger. The first radiation treatment is later this afternoon followed by the 2nd daily dose of chemo pills later tonight. Wish me luck!

oh the irony

 I have a tumor in me. But I feel fucking great. I think that qualifies as irony don’tcha think? The “feeling great” part I attribute to switching over to an almost exclusively vegetarian diet, and not drinking alcohol or coffee. I have had acid reflux since I was a teenager, and I have been taking antacid pills for years. I don’t seem to need them anymore. I expected headaches coming off the coffee, as I have been drinking it daily since about the time the Mac Classic came out, but strangely I didn’t get 1 little itty bitty headache..could the juicing be helping with the caffeine withdrawal? perhaps. 

  I won’t start chemo and radiation for another week, so I’m aware  that once I start ingesting 3,300 milligrams of chemo pills (xeloda) along with radiation shots up the ass (literally)  5 days a week, things could change. Reading online testimonials about xeloda side effects makes me think that it’s all a game of chance..some have a horrible time of it, and some sail through like chemical superstars. Obviously I’m hoping to be in the latter category. 

gettin’ juiced

Week 2 is all about starting to fight this little monster!! I went in to the Rohnert Park, CA Cancer Center today for my preliminary radiation consultation. I’ll be back on Thursday to do a “simulated scan” that insures I lie in the same exact spot and target the radiation to the exact same area every time I go in. As soon as the radiation begins (most likely the first week of June), I will begin taking the chemotherapy pills in tandem. This will happen 5 days a week for 28 sessions.

 I’m doing a lot of reading and research about nutrition now, and I bought a heavy duty blender and lots of veggies and fruit to begin some serious juicing this week. It’s all about keeping the body in an “Alkaline” state, which, according to lots of smart healer guys and girls, is ideal for fighting disease. Kale, Celery, Tomatoes, spinach, avocados, and wheat grass (among many others) are going to become good friends of mine in the coming months. I’m weaning myself off alcohol, dairy, red meat, sugar, coffee, and anything else that will interfere with that alkaline state. I figure I have had more than my share (especially the alcohol) of all that. Time to get as healthy as possible! Those of you that know me well, know that I can be quite determined-I’m definitely the archetypal Taurus in that regard. This will be no exception.